April 2012 | Love146.org

20
Apr

SHARKS IN THE WATER Posted by Rob Morris

"Criticism is necessary and useful; it is often indispensable; but it can never take the place of action, or be even a poor substitute for it. It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

There has been so much said and written regarding Invisible Children’s Kony 2012 effort over the last month, and there will be more said and written with the launch of their “Cover the Night” campaign. While there have been some thoughtful critiques as well as thoughtful responses to those critiques, there have also been plenty who have been at best, unhelpful and cynical, and at worst, venomous in their criticism.

A common criticism made about the Kony 2012 effort has been that it is nothing more than a shallow awareness campaign inviting a “slactivism” or “bandwagon” response. I’ve previously posted my thoughts on bandwagons HERE.

In regard to awareness being “shallow,” I say; “so what?” Most of us get to the deeper water by entering in through the shallows. I don’t know many effective activists (who are STILL activists) who just jumped in at the deep end. Those who do, usually don’t swim for very long. They are beat down by waves of adversity or are overwhelmed by how deep, dark and murky the waters of complexity are. They drown with good intentions. Good intentions don’t make great life preservers.

Let’s be honest. We usually enter the world of activism through the shallow water. That’s smart activism. We wade in slowly and thoughtfully, getting used to the temperature and “feel” of the water before going deeper. This approach also gives us time to receive some swimming lessons from those who have been swimming in these waters for a long time. What we need are fewer critics and more mentors. Those who have the maturity to teach, suggest and guide rather than criticize, discredit and disqualify.

The coach who can teach and correct while encouraging and mentoring is much more effective then the coach who is constantly telling you that you suck and that you’re doing it all wrong.

Stephen Colbert wrote; “Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength…say “yes'.”

So maybe you find yourself standing on the shore, looking for an entry point into the water. The deep end looks intimidating. Begin by wading in through the shallows. If you find yourself in the shallow water, look to those who have been swimming for a long time…and learn as you venture into deeper waters. And lastly…if you are in deep water…stick together. It’s not safe to swim alone. There are sharks in the water. But wherever you find yourself…by all means, say “yes”.

Rob

President & Co-founder, Love146
Follow me on Twitter HERE

13
Apr

Pagdamay Posted by Marilyn de Guehery

The Love146 Round Home is a safehome in the Philippines offering holistic aftercare to survivors of child sex trafficking. In the Filipino language, there is a beautiful and rich word for which there is no equal in English. The word is pagdamay.

“Pagdamay” is like sympathy or grief, but those words aren’t deep enough. It is to align yourself — emotionally and practically — with someone in a difficult situation.

A child who has been trafficked and exploited should evoke the deepest “pagdamay” in all of us. The root word — “damay” — implies being pulled into a mess. In the case of trafficking, the mess isn’t simply something that happened in a girl’s life- It is the girl's life.

The mess is self-contempt, hopelessness, cutting, bittersweet pregnancies and children born of abuse, calls from family asking you to go back to the brothel to earn money so you can feed them, flashbacks, post traumatic stress disorder, STDs, being in love with your trafficker...

Aftercare is a work of "pagdamay." We must allow ourselves to be pulled into the mess in order to make way for restoration. None of this is easy or comfortable, yet we invite you to enter into the mess. When armed with Love, we have seen beautiful things.

02
Apr

Boys will be boys... Posted by Glenn Miles

Boys will be boys, so they say (and by de-fault I suppose girls will be girls!).

Where I live in Cambodia, there is a popular proverb that, 'a girl is like a piece of cloth, if thrown in the dirt then she is soiled for ever compared to a boy who is like a lump of gold, it simply needs washing and it is clean and restored'.

Both of these descriptions can be unhelpful. For the girl, in a fatalistic culture this can mean that there is a hopelessness that she can never be fully restored. She is seen as totally vulnerable and weak, with no agency to restore her life. If she has been raped she may as well become a prostitute. For the boy there is no recognition that abuse can impact him. He should be strong and asking for help would be a sign of weakness. He is seen as totally resilient and self sufficient. As a result there is barely any recognition that sexual abuse of a boy and exploitation even exists (see research papers "I never thought it could happen to boys' and 'What about Boys?'.

But before we point the finger at this alien cultural context and tut tut, 'how they could be so unfair?' let us look at some of of our cultural perspectives and see how that is impacting the way we see the sexual exploitation of boys compared to girls. Consider for a moment the story of sleeping beauty, a girl in the top of a castle, so vulnerable that she can do nothing for herself but wait to be rescued by the knight in shining armour. In comparison is the story of Aladdin, a roguish character who is loved by most all. if we are honest most men rather aspire to this character, free to go wherever he likes and surviving off his wits. He doesn't need anyone and can survive whatever is thrown at him. He is all about resilience and nothing about vulnerability whereas the sleeping beauty is all about vulnerability and nothing about resilience. So the Cambodian proverb may not be so different from what we ourselves believe in our own culture.

What does this mean when we consider supporting programs working with boys? Well the reality is that it is harder to persuade people that boys really need help. I have spoken to people who really can't see why time and energy should be invested in work with boys. The impression is that, 'They can look after themselves'. Although there are many reports and talk about sexual exploitation of children, they actually mean sexual exploitation of girls. Chab Dai is a network of anti trafficking NGO’s in Cambodia. Of their 52 members, only four currently tackle the sexual exploitation of boys. Most boys who are sexually exploited are in that situation because there are few other choices and need to support their families and pay off debts but the consequences of sexual exploitation for boys are violence, stigma, shame as well as HIV and STIs. When offered an alternative many are quick to take it. To see our own work with boys, visit www.love146.org/prevention/asia/boys. Please help us to help boys move beyond our unhelpful myths.